‘What is love?’
I was lying in bed thinking about this tonight as my wife slept soundly beside me. I thought before I went to sleep that it mightn’t be a bad idea to pray for a little more faith, hope, and love in my life. Big mistake! For that’s when, right at the end, this seemingly innocent little question entered my mind; ‘but what is love?’
I could’ve answered my brain ‘dude, God is love’ or something suitably dismissive so I could just roll over and go to sleep. But instead the niggling answer that came to mind (and has me up now writing this) came to me in three parts. Each one may seem simple at first, yet I believe these will challenge us to put that elusive oh so spiritual sounding verb ‘love’ into some actual, real-world practice. Here was my first thought…
Love comes down
Love begins by coming down to another’s level. And of course then I thought of Christ - obviously, that’s what he did right? As the Son of God he could’ve hung around in heaven and watched humanity slugging it out from a distance, but instead he ‘lowered himself’ into our situation - I imagine as if by a rope - and identified with us, becoming like us, one of us. (read Philippians 2 for a beautiful early Christian poem/song describing this journey)
I picture a parent getting down on one knee to be on the child’s level and look them in the eye. Not to rebuke or teach, but just to listen first. That’s the first step love takes - but this requires a posture of humility. A desire to empathise with more than be right. Man I can relate to this in marriage; most times that’s the very last thing I want to do! ‘Let me take the plank out of your eye’ is what I’m usually thinking (let’s be real, what most guys are thinking). Yet this first gesture is exactly what Jesus did in leaving heaven and coming to earth, to live, sweat, work, laugh, play, eat, drink and spend time with us. Love comes down to identify with, be among and empathise first. Always. To ‘listen first and speak second’ as all the relationship counsellors tell us. As St Francis wrote, “O Divine Master, grant that I may never seek… to be understood, than to understand.” Step one.
Love comes down to identify with, be among and empathise
Down and Out
The next thought I immediately had was that love serves. After love lowers itself down to identify, be among and listen, it immediately begins to serve. Almost like a visitor at your house asking ‘what can I do to help?’ after dinner is over (those people can come back to my house any time). To not serve is strange for love, unnatural even. And isn’t that exactly how Jesus lived his life? “The son of man came not to be served, but to serve and give his life as a ransom for many.” he said (Mark 10:45). After washing his disciples feet at his final Passover meal, the duty of a household servant, he declared,
Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. (Jn 13:14-15)
“The greatest among you is the one who serves” he kept repeating for three years (Matt 22:26). And let’s be real, the disciples were a bit slow on the uptake regarding this whole ‘take the lowest place’ pitch. But who of us is? Who really wants to put the garbage out? Clean the dishes? Do the laundry? Pay the bills? Watch the other persons TV show? Go out of our way? Let another person get in line? None of us! Until we are there that is, and the deep inner satisfaction of serving another person flows into us and it’s like light entering our bodies and our soul breathes within us and says ‘Aaah, thank you'. This is good. Do this again.’
The direction of love is first down, then out.
Till Death Do Us Part
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. (Jn 15:13)
Here’s the thing about love - real love, true love, tested love. It’s willing to fight and die if necessary for the beloved. Try and rob a mumma bear of her cubs and see what happens. When push comes to shove and its either you or them, Love steps in front and says ‘take me’. Like Maximilian Kolbe did for a complete stranger in a WWII concentration camp. Like parents around the world do working late and scraping by to give their children a better start than they had. Like Jesus of Nazareth did on the cross by stepping in and taking the punishment for sins upon himself. Love, true love, sacrifices for others. It first comes down and identifies with, it secondly sees the need and naturally begins to serve, and finally, it is willing to give itself totally in sacrificial love: ‘If one of us has to die, take me’. And here’s the pinch: even if the other is undeserving. This kind of love is completely irrational, foolish, insane. Yet as Paul spent his life trying to convince us, this is how much GOD loves you and me, and the whole world:
God has proven his own love for us in this; in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Rom 5:8)
Jesus’ death on Good Friday is more than a public holiday. It is the worldwide declaration of an insane, passionate, dedicated, committed, gutsy love, on the behalf of a Father-Creator, to reach out and embrace his children who have wandered far and wide in pursuit of everything else. Whether we return to the Father or not is up to us. There are no conditions here, as no true parental love ever has. But Love must give of itself to the end, for that is its nature. To do otherwise would be to denial of Himself. Yes - Love is a Person, and that person has a name. Jesus, Yeshua, ‘the one who saves’. “For there is no other Name given among men by which we might be saved.”
So here’s the take-away
How are you being called to love today? Who are you challenged to love in one of these 3 ways? It’s easy to ‘love those who love us’ Jesus said, anyone can do that. But if we are going to love others in a way that is greater than the worlds standards - and witness to the kind of radical love God has shown for us - then maybe these three filters can be a way for us to begin.
Come down to be with and listen
Look for opportunities to serve
Sacrifice for the sake of others.
Whenever we do any of these things, we imitate God’s own large, abundant, generous love. Which is a pretty good way to live.